Going Gray - To Dye or Not?

It is a family curse for females in my maternal family ... premature gray hair. Every one of us is significantly gray in our 30s with most totally gray by 40. And it is that wiry, frizzy gray hair during your younger years -- when she entered her 50's my mother's hair turned this lovely shade of white that actually makes her look much younger than her current 64 and counting.

I've had quite a bit of gray hair since my mid-twenties. It used to look cute and frosty. Since I've been too busy/lazy to get a hair cut lately, I've caught sight of a LOT more gray hair. I look old. No wonder people often think Ledcat is my child (she's 7 years older than moi). She is young and cherubic looking. I look ... like my mother in her pre-Barbara Bush years. Gulp.

What to do? Dyeing my hair does not hold any real appeal for me. The expense. The maintenance -- I barely get it cut and dread having to get to the salon regularly for touch ups -- ugggh. The capitulation to social norms that regulate female beauty. The nagging suspicion that lathering chemicals on my scalp month after month has some link to cancer. And the big one for me - the fear that some poor rabbit or kitten was brutally tortured to make sure I have just the right shade of auburn. That would haunt me and undo every single eco-friendly bit of karma I have ever built up. Every bit. Plus ... rabbits and kittens.

Time magazine recently explore this debate (not the bunny aspect, but the rest of it) for babyboomer women --- comparing it to the working/stay at home mommy debates in its economic and social scopes. What impact does choosing to stay natural gray have on your career, even if its latter stages? What about dating and romance?

These days, choosing not to dye has become a statement rather than a casual
stylistic choice. Thus the gray wars are a bit of a grownup replay of the freaks
vs. squares and smart kids vs. populars from junior high and high school 40
years ago.

Would being a premature gray-haired dyke impact my professional life as as social worker or my future earning power as a blogger (ha ha ha!)? Do you think John McIntire will still love me?

Seriously, I am very perplexed about this. I am not a Baby Boomer -- I'm 36 years old. I see other lovely lesbians out sporting cool hair colorings and want to be that girl. This could be my opportunity to try out some new radical colors. But I know I would use a flippant "you go girl" justification to cover very real tumult about aging and appearance.

First up, I'm getting a hair cut. Pronto.