Friday, July 25, 2008

This is why you should go see Gab's show

Seriously sisters, we need to cultivate more of those strong, deep down belly laughs. Too many paunchy men making marijuana jokes and women making jokes about their weight. We need more of this. (Cuss words below):

Speaking of death, I almost died last night. There was a moth in my
bedroom the size of a bat! Seriously. If you don’t believe me then
just ask my sister Rose. Oh wait. Rose wouldn’t be able to
accurately describe the moth because she locked herself in her bedroom and
didn’t help me! True story. Beings the twisted, complicated, Grey
Gardens meets The Royal Tennenbaums meets The Golden Girls living situation that
we’ve got going on over here at The Bonesso Villa…My 64 year old mother with two
bad legs and a really bad back had to climb the stairs to my bedroom to assist
me in killing Mothra while Rose hid in her bedroom. I had the moth contained.
All I needed my mother to do was to kill it. Simple enough.
However, when you move about like Richard III killing a moth isn’t is easy
as it looks and she missed and he went flying to some dark crevice in my room.
At this point, mom started to get huffy. ”I’m 64 years old.
I’m too old for this shit! This is why I hate to turn off the
air-conditioning!” I could hear Rose giggling from inside her room.
5 minutes passed and my mother said that the moth must be gone for good.
I knew she was wrong. He was gigantic. We would have seen him
escape. Rose came out of her room at this point and was standing in the
hallway surveying the scene. My mom said,”Well, I’ve done all that I can
do. I’m going back downstairs.” I yelled, “NO!” and starting
swinging a pillow around violently to flush out the moth. It worked.
The moth came out from under my bed and flew right at my face. I
freaked-out and threw the pillow at my mother and locked her and the moth in my
room. Rose had already fled to her room for the second time and I began to
bang on her door to let me in while my mom was yelling in my bedroom. Rose
would not open her door. Thanks, Rose. The moth fled to the hallway
where for about 30 minutes my poor, mom tried to kill the moth. She can’t
really reach or stretch or move very much so it was a semi-frustrating affair
full of heavy sighing and swear words. Finally, the moth flew into our
bathroom where I was able to close the door on both the moth and my mother.
It took her about 5 minutes, but she finally killed the mother-fucker.
Rose finally came out of her bedroom. Moral of the story: we
survived. Thank you baby Jesus…and mom.

See what I mean? I had one of the worst weeks ever. Like quit my job and go back to law school bad. But this ... this story made me laugh. Plus, I can't afford to pay for the schooling I do have much less law school. Seriously.

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