What do my looks have to do with this?

Check out this article about Female Comedians which includes me. It was in today’s Tribune Review. It was written by William Loeffler. Here is his opening paragraph:

“With her tomboyish short hair and Huck Finn grin, it’s easy to imagine Gab Bonesso disguising herself as a cabin boy and stowing away on a ship bound for Treasure Island.”

This is the second time he’s referred to my looks as being “cabin boy“-ish. Really? A “cabin boy“? I believe the last time that he wrote about me I looked like “The Artful Dodger” from Oliver Twist. Well, wait. Here’s exactly what he wrote (read full article here ):

“For reasons that are only partially related to her gamin appearance and Artful Dodger persona, Gab Bonesso seems like the kind of person who could be voted Most Likely to Impersonate a Cabin Boy and Stow Away on a Whaler.”

Wow, he really likes that “cabin boy” reference. Maybe I should consider producing/starring in the stage version of Gilligan’s Island… You know? If I’m that fit for the part.

The thing that really confuses me is that I’m not sure what this has to do with my ability to perform comedy? Maybe Bill is trying to be ironic… You know? He writes an article under the guise that female comedians have it rougher than male comedians, but then he proceeds to belittle my talent by spending the entire first paragraph describing my looks (or how he perceives my looks to be) rather than discussing my talent. I find this to be very curious. Why is Loeffler singling-out ME and MY looks? Perhaps, he has a little bit of a crush on me and this is his third-grade way of letting me know that he likes me. OR… Is it more vindictive and Tribune-Reviewey than that? Perhaps by calling me a “cabin boy” or calling me “The Artful Dodger” he is subtly trying to scream, “SHE LOOKS LIKE A BIG DYKE!!!!!!”. Either way, me looking like a “cabin boy” (which, by the way, Mrs. Palfrey and my Mom think that I look like an Italian Audrey Hepburn. So snap!) has NOTHING to do with me performing stand-up comedy in Pittsburgh. Thanks for writing about my upcoming shows, my new material, the upcoming play that I’m going to be in or the dozens of other projects that I mentioned to you during the interview. Oh, and thanks for not printing any of the pictures that I sent you, but rather, grabbing one off of the internet from 4 years ago when my hair was much shorter to help you promote your cause of convincing Pittsburgh that I’m their friendly, neighborhood, “cabin boy“.

I’m sorry. The irony that a sexist wrote this article is killing me. Oh and Bill, if you’re confused as to why I think that you’re a sexist, it’s because of this… I am a woman. I like to wear clothes that are comfortable. Sometimes, when the mood strikes me, I like to wear gowns and put on make-up. Hard to believe, I know. However, regardless of what I am wearing, I am a women. Whether I’m wearing chamo cargo pants or a mini skirt, I am a woman. So for you to refer to me as a “cabin boy” is really a 1950’s, conservative, HIGHLY sexist thing to write. Just for the record. But I understand that the media has a hard time understanding sexism. I saw what you bitches did to Hillary. So anywhore, moving on…

Thanks for writing this article, Bill. You sure are helping to break down sexist stereotypes one article at a time. Oh wait. No. I meant, you’re helping to build them up. My bad. I was too busy worrying about me and the Skipper getting off of this island. Damn sandworms…